Monday, June 29, 2015

The Eye

Kashmarin had borne away yet another image of Smurov.  Does it make any difference which? For I do not exist: there exist but the thousands of mirrors that reflect me. With every acquaintance I make, the population of phantoms resembling me increases.  Somewhere they live, somewhere they multiply. I alone do not exist. Smurov, however, will live on for a long time. The two boys, those pupils of mine, will grow old, and some image of other of me will live within them like a tenacious parasite.  And then will come the day when the last person who remembers me will die. A fetus in reverse, my image, too, will dwindle and die within the last witness of the crime I committed by the mere fact of living.  Perhaps a chance story about me, a simple anecdote in which I figure, will pass on from him to his son or grandson, and so my name and my ghost will appear fleetingly here and there for some time still.  Then will come the end.  

And yet I am happy.  Yes, happy.  I swear, I swear I am happy.  I have realized that the only happiness in this world is to observe, to spy, to watch, to scrutinize oneself and others, to be nothing but a big, slightly vitreous, somewhat bloodshot, unblinking eye.

- The Eye, p. 103 Vladimir Nabokov

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